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remember back about how i would constantly right about this battle to have life or moments with the one i love? well let me erase most of what i wrote from your minds. yea i strive to be a good father a partner but at the end of the day where is the limit break? today is my limit break…next week i will be starting my new job. i look forward to it. then again there is more…

my relationship…oh yea about that. to be honest. time can’t be made so i am officially putting my time into something else. i can’t sit around a bench like a sad puppy waiting for the all time attention. after work hours my time will be spent not at home. i know what i have to do now more than ever. then again maybe its just for the moment at hand..or even longer than that. all i can say for myself is 20% increases to much more when that 80% diminishes. am i saying that it’s time to cheat? no..i believe im better than that…

for those girls who are strictly friends that feel and support me..i say thank you. when she (if she) ever comes around and sees the difference maybe this was all worth something .

don’t know what you got till its in another woman’s arms
used to be the one to devote all the love and the charm
somewhere along the way you slipped and forgot what mattered
so in terms my heart hit the break that made a collision all splatter

love goes bye and then the hate starts to fill it in
why a man try so hard not to live life full of sin
treated like a welfare case all talk but no progress
forget about your man stay shakin ya ass in that dress

shake it fast shake it fast is what all the men shall say
leave the baby mama to fly south is the games women play
80 against 20 yea that’s nothing but easy math
so figure when that same 80 soon turns to half. . .

20 seems so appealing cause to most 80 cant add up
priorities are mislead truly the expression stays fucked up
soon after the drama there can never be the marriage
then comes one that cheats real emotional baggage…

bad by myself

growing up we all have this ideal look or want in the partner we see ourselves with. life hardly works out like that in most cases. they even say you don’t know what you have until its gone. one of the hardest things i will ever face in a relationship is having a partner that is mute about their feelings. maybe im too real for her; a person that is about something and is up on their word. the truth is my life is kind of like this movie. only difference is that there is more than one nicky..go figure right? what part of the movie is my life on..i’d say 20 minutes into it.

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when i hear this song..i guess you can say it clears me out. the  other day was alright i guess. she came home from her trip. she was happy to be home…her attitude was like i knew it would be: mean, hot, and not a nice person. it’s like i know her job takes much out of her but at times its like the helping hand that is there..well you get the idea. that’s just the person she is. take it or leave it right?

in other news i will be working soon enough. its a job over in hoboken right in my field. its funny though. as glad as i am to have the job…im not showing the happiness. then again i guess its too hot to celebrate. i have other things on the mind at the moment.

as confident as i am my fear still eats at me. its because i been losing so much that maybe i don’t even recognize when i am winning. i always have the same vision of something bad happening..worse part of it all is that it gives me headaches. maybe i feel guilty that i put it all on myself…maybe it could even be my history catching up to me? whatever it is i have to make sure of getting rid of it.

project 31 is in effect. i hope in the end it turns out to be a progression rather than just another tool to lower the standards. i see that some are noticing it..(ugh..excuse me because i just had another bad vision) other will follow in the long run. i wont let much detail go about the project but in all fairness  i hope this will be a success. if not then its back to a place i don’t want to remember well…